Last night's viewing extravaganza was the Nic Cage starring two-minutes-into-the-future-seeing action thriller Next, which stars Nic Cage as a man who can see two minutes int...yeah, okay, you probably get that part. The plot is flimsily constructed around Julianne Moore's FBI agent who is convinced that Cage can help avert the detonation of a nuclear bomb, and Jessica Biel as a girl who may hold the key to fully unleashing his time-seeing powers. Cue running away from the terrorists and the FBI and jumping into bed with Biel, with a bunch of 'I can see far enough ahead to dodge bullets/punches/bombs/big trees/trucks/bad accents' based action sequences thrown in for good measure.
And it's...pretty awful. The plot makes no sense, nothing gets resolved, the love story with Jessica Biel is frankly creepy (Cage is twice her age and spends his time droning about fate and making weird jokes in a distinctly odd fashion), Julianne Moore's FBI agent is tough, yes, a human being, not so much, and the direction is only occasionally not lacklustre, and these occasions are never when CGI is involved. Ah, yes, Lee Tamahori's less than impressive efforts with bringing together Next's look, use of CGI and actions sequences are reminiscent of his woeful efforts with Die Another Day; but in addition to crap effects shots - that evidently somehow passed muster for him suggesting some visual problem whereby he really can't tell the difference between photo-real and the insufferably badly used Crayola daubs these movies sport in their place - there's one of the dullest car chases I've had to sit through, one made more offensive for ending in...a crap effects shot.
Which is kind of a shame, because the potential existed to make a decent action movie, or even (whisper it), a decent film. Indeed, in the more stripped down action moments Next delivers, the highlight being a sequence where Cage's character evades security in a Las Vegas casino by simply being one step ahead of them, though other nice sequences and touches throughout hint at what might have been. But it never comes together and ultimately makes you feel that with a little more foresight, you might have avoided watching it (oho! a reviewer joke! hahahahah! It's about seeing into the future, you see, and...what? Oh. Okay...).
Oh, and about being based on a 'novel story (?!)' by Philip K. Dick? Maybe it was, but virtually nothing of that story survives in this supposed adaptation, something I find, curiously, less offensive than if they had made drastic changes but left a few recognisable things in there. Just as a favour for me, if you should ever come across Next, pretend that Dick's name isn't on it, would you? It will make me happy and the world a better place. Either that, or just kneecap Hollywood if you're passing through and tell it to be careful or I'll give it a good talking to. It's got it coming...
Peace out!
